How to ease the mental load of planning family trips as a parent

I thought I knew mental load before having children. My brain is always racing, especially when I have a writing deadline. (They say 50% of writing is thinking, and I certainly feel that way.)

The same logic applies to travel planning. There is a rhythm, a… choose a destination -> do the itinerary -> find the flights -> find the hotels -> book the fun things. I love, love scouring the internet looking at beautiful photographs or videography of far-flung destinations, first to get a feel for a place and then to isolate exactly where they are and what they have booked to do there. The absolute millennial RUSH of maximizing vacations down to the minute and having the time of my life is what has kept me planning trip after trip in our DINK era.

The mental strain of traveling used to be a hobby.

I used to plan trips for fun. I have a GDoc full of trips with full itineraries to multiple destinations simply because one day I got bored and needed a project. I thought, maybe I’ll find a flight and then boom, we’re ready to go! Of course, then the pandemic happened and I had to leave behind the to-do list and the “top x to do in y” lists. I think it’s a good thing, all things considered, and I’m very grateful to have had a time in my life where I was able to drop everything and go just because there was a good Groupon.

So when we talk about the mental load of travel today, part of what’s difficult is that it used to fall into the category of “fun” things. As, ooooh, where should we go next? And somehow, after having a baby, like most other aspects of adult life, it went from fun to…a chore. In the same way that I loved planning and cooking dinner, and now I’m the type of person who might burn chili or accidentally put sugar instead of salt in something, the mental aspect of traveling is often as tiring as the day of travel itself.

What to do when planning a trip with a toddler:

Maybe you feel this too. For me, carrying all of our stuff isn’t what makes traveling with kids so difficult. Physically, I can do it. Mentally, though…adding it to the ever-growing pile of spinning plates sometimes just doesn’t work.

It’s choosing a place knowing that you might not see it at all. It’s a packing list that’s not only long, but has high stakes – you who never forgot the “special” pacifier, be grateful – and then putting all the money behind it.

When I plan a trip with my toddler, it starts in my brain by making decisions like:

• Which destinations are suitable for my little one at this age?
• Can we handle a x hour flight? Do we need to bring the car seat on board the flight or check it?
• Is there a time zone change and if so how will we work around/with that?
• What cultural norms exist in this place regarding children?
• What accessibility standards and laws exist in this location? Will we be able to use a stroller, for example, or are there paving stones/no ramps/no space?
• What items should we pack? Is this an “off-season” adventure where I have to go buy clothes for my toddler specifically for this week because last summer/winter they were a different size?
• What is our nap plan? Will they even take a nap???
• Are there any restaurants onsite or within walking distance that open at 4:30 or 5:00 p.m. because that is when we are scheduled to eat dinner? Do they offer child-friendly food? Do they have high chairs? Do they take reservations?
• What activities will we do? Are there activities for multiple ages/stages (including adults?). Can my toddler organize a museum/festival/hike that I really want to do in this destination?
• Do we have to rent a car or can we travel by public transport? Is public transport suitable for strollers?

Ahhhh reading this, I feel like it’s going to explode. 🤯 And I’ve already done so much basic administrative work, like making sure my child has a passport (it expires every 5 years for minors, pass it on!) or staying on top of our points and miles. I’ve been professionally involved in travel for a long time and yet it’s difficult for me on top of everything else with motherhood.

Balancing the mental load so that traveling becomes fun again.

I don’t really have an answer to ~all of this~ because it’s not something you can get away from in fair play, because it’s supposed to be fun. I mean, you go to certain destinations knowing it’s a lot of work (ahem, Disney, ahem) but all that goes through my mind, even for a typical “plop” vacation to the Caribbean. Where we do… nothing!

If there’s one thing that’s worked so far, it’s separating the drudgery (booking things, mining points and miles, calling the hotel to get more detailed information on their family-friendly amenities) from the fun aspects of trip planning (for me, choosing the destination, choosing the hotel, and thinking about activities…I’m an ideas girl!) I got up at 5:30 a.m. the last few days to book Disney dining reservations and whew, I have to call my mother and tell her. how much I appreciate her for all the executive functioning she taught me and for the way she executed those kinds of mentally-intensive trips so well when I was a kid.

Thanks for being here.

Same powder energy.

All of this is to say that I understand why so many people don’t think traveling with young children is worth it. But the fact is that this mental load does not go away. (Well, maybe some of the stroller logistics.) I take being the magic maker in my family very seriously. I know it’s “extra”. I know it’s supposed to be fun. These are dark times and I’m going to hold on to whatever fun and magical thing I can create as best I can.

If sometimes you feel like, wow, maybe it’s so stressful I should stay home? Don’t let him win! You can do it, I really believe in you. I say this as much for myself as for you…

You’ll feel better with your feet in the sand, I promise,

Kayla

If you liked this article, please consider supporting my work. I’m just a mom at heart trying to create essential memories for our entire family while minimizing meltdowns. I sincerely hope this helps you do the same.

This article was originally published on Traveling with Toddlers. Subscribe for more actionable travel tips, toddler-friendly itineraries and proven gear recommendations.

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